he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
