SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
