Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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