i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Congratulations! We have a period
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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