Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize