I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
