How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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