South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
