Screwed.edu
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
