Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
