My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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