Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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