so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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