Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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