I want to have your abortion
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Sext me about skeletons
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
