I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
