we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
What a dumb baby whore.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
50% drunk capacity currently
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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