Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
