Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
