Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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