just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
