This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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