Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
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