We should be called the Road Head Warriors
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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