Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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