You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
