I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
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