why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
