He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
