yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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