"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize