I am in a vortex of obligation.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
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