oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
