In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
