Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
