i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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