Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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