Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
