I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
