He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
