What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I am midnight drunk by noon
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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