Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
