just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
