i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
