Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
