how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
