You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
