isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
