Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize