We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Randomize
