I wish I could punch you in the face.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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