I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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