I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
