I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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