Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
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