I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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