The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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