Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
