Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
