I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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