About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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