her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
