hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
a search helicopter?!
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
