There was a lot of him and a little penis
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
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