Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
