After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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