just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
